In Loving Memory…...

 Today I attended a funeral for my friends mom. (Dorothy Miller) In junior high and early high school, I spent a lot of time there. My 2nd mother, I affectionately called “Ma”.  While life happens, families grow and the time spent visiting got less often and then of course in the past 2 years, Covid really affected that.  She was never far from my thoughts and I kept up with her from her daughters, I didn’t visit nearly as often as I should have. I did get to see her one last time before she passed and she seemed to acknowledge me and I was grateful for that.  

Of course a funeral brings with it a lot of emotion and I am swirling with them today, so bear with me as I babble.  I changed the title to Conversations with Kellie…. a twist on the blog I had for Matt (A Chat with Matt).

Trinity Lutheran Church in Sandusky, OH, just outside of Castalia is where the funeral was held. I went there with Debbie a lot to Sunday School and worship.  My home church was Grace Lutheran Church (where the funeral luncheon was held) and it was where I was baptized and confirmed. What came rushing back to me today was the traditions and rituals that I grew up with.  It’s familiar and comforting and a little sad, all at the same time. Debbie and I did duets starting at her church with the organist at the time, Ron Borchardt. Ron has since passed.  He started us singing hymns in harmony and then we would do what I called the “Lutheran Church Circuit” in the summers.   We would do sometimes both services, early and late. Back in those days there was an 8:00 a.m. service or “early church” and at 10:30 a.m. service, with Sunday School in between.  I have always liked the structure of worship and the familiar hymns. We sang a lot at the funeral today. 

When someone dies, it always seems to bring a feeling of nostalgia. Things that used to be and are no more and sometimes seems like a different lifetime….but yet it’s my lifetime…prior to graduating, prior to marriage, kids, divorce…and all that happens in between.  You think you will never forget but the thing is, you do forget. Then something sparks a memory and well, you remember…and I felt compelled to write this.  

While I had grandparents growing up, they died when I was young and I don’t remember big family gathering at Grandma’s house so going to Debbie’s grandparents was for me, like what you read about in novels.  Her Grandma, Bernice, would make us apple pancakes and her Grandpa, Elmer, would tell me almost EVERY time I saw him that he had a teacher named Hannah Kelly.  I remember the many many many salt and pepper shakers her grandma collected.  I loved going to Grandma and Grandpa Miller’s house.  Debbie also lived on a farm. We would go see the baby calves, feed the cats, gather eggs (I hated that), drive the tractor to bring the cows in and watch them milk cows...and amazing dinners….my fave was her mom’s beef and noodles.  It was such a perfect family setting and I adored my time there.  All of these memories came flooding back.  A time of youth, a time of innocence. 

Like Ma and Pa Miller, my parents were also very active in our church.  My mom was the children’s choir director, (and sang in the choir) my dad of course coached the softball teams, he would be an usher and a greeter. They were active in “Couples Club” and the ladies had “Circle” meetings. My life was very filled with traditions and service.  It’s kind of odd how those traditions just sort of stop. I mean, we still have little pieces of them and I still do attend church, although not as regularly as I once did and no longer the Lutheran church.  It seems as though those traditions played a very important role in who I am today, even if I don’t think about it, it definitely had an impact on me.

I’m not really sure where I am going with this….it has just been on my mind today.  I miss those seemingly simpler days, yet I’m sure my parents, my second set of parents and others all had problems and issues but there was no social media to share all your opinions and feelings and controversy and spark debates and fights and hatred.   We loved one another more. We accepted one another more. We helped each other out and built each other up. We weren’t divided, but united. And maybe that is pure youth and naivety in my memories before I had responsibilities and a family of my own and problems of my own…….. 

I have by no means lived a perfect life, I have made my share of mistakes and I often worry about how the impact of my actions will reflect on my children.   As I get older and face my own mortality (well I hope I have a lot more years, but less years to live than I have lived)….it’s the lessons that life taught me that I hope that I can impart some of my wisdom onto my family.  Experience is the best teacher and if you are willing to learn and grow, you can make a come back from your mistakes and make your life better. I have a husband; 3 sons, 2 step daughters, (and their significant others) and 8 grandchildren.   I love them with my whole being and can’t imagine my life without them.  I want them to have amazing memories to pass on to the next generation.

Life is short. Life happens fast. Cherish those you love.

I’ll leave you with this.  At the funeral home they had a list of questions Dorothy answered -things like, your favorite holiday…etc…. I assume it was something they did at the nursing home.  One thing though….they asks something we may not know about you….she said “I’m sexy”….and it made me laugh…..92 years…. Dorothy was full of life. Dancing, singing, talking, loving.  I am sure she is uniting in heaven with “Pa” and my parents and going to a big square dance in the sky!

I hope to be in my next 40 years what Dorothy was in her last 40 years…..